When people get married part of the vow is “for better or worse” but often the worse they do can leave you bitter!
“…to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”
Martha Stewart Wedding Vows
Two years after my first husband and I were married, I thought that maybe he should have had to actually take those vows. We were married in the Greek Church and did not have to say a word. Two years after it started, we were getting our divorce finalized because he tried to kill me. (OK, so he also violated the restraining order, stalked me and then made my life miserable because, according to him he loved me and was sorry. Whatever!)
My second husband and I have been together for almost 40 years and I’ve been thinking about what would have happened if I ended up being bitter about my ex husband, instead of fighting to take back my life from him, and refusing to give up on a better life!
Surviving traumatic events changes everyone. No one becomes a survivor the same way they faced whatever “it” was that did caused it.
If you were already in a relationship when “it” happened to you, you are lucky because they know when you changed and why you changed. Even if they don’t totally understand it, they have a basic idea that event had more to do with it, than they do. Sometimes they think you’ll just get over and go back to the way you were before. Sometimes they think they can love you enough to “fix” what is wrong with you. Other times you realize the relationship you thought you had, was not strong enough help them to stand by you.
“First, they say they want you
Love On The Rocks Neil Diamond
How they really need you
Suddenly you find you’re out there
Walking in a storm
And when they know they have you
Then they really have you
Nothing you can do or say
You’ve got to leave, just get away
We all know the song”
What do you do? First thing is, no one can “fix you” or help you if you don’t start doing it yourself. Covering up what you are going through doesn’t work. Ignoring it makes it worse. Drinking or using drugs just gets you numb. You have to start with understanding what is eating away at you and what you need to fill yourself back up again. Until you do, you’ll be too empty to give anything to anyone else.
Do you want to be better or bitter? If you don’t help yourself get better, you’ll become bitter about everything. Bitter because the people you knew pushed you out of their lives because you cannot acknowledge you shoved them out first. Bitter about people you worked with because “no one appreciated your work,” even though you didn’t show up a lot of the time and hardly ever gave 100% to getting the job done. Bitter feeds PTSD and poisons everything else that was, or could have been, better!
Today instead of doing a video, you should look on YouTube for something that will begin to stop you from bing bitter and start helping you on a better road!
Remember, it’s your life…get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD
