No one can do a damn thing about anything that happened a second ago. As much as you may want to believe things could have been different, they weren’t. Once you face that reality, it opens up NOW to possibilities.
As important as it is to understand what you have power over, it is more empowering to understand how much power you do have.
“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”
― Søren Kierkegaard
Understanding what makes you “you” now, you do have to go backwards. If you have #PTSD, there are a lot of questions you may still have, or may not have even thought about. Why did it happen to me? Why did I survive it? When will I get back to the way I was before or get over it? Is it ever gonna get better? Am I crazy?
WHY DID IT HAPPEN TO ME?
Some people think that when it is an accident or a stranger did it, it was a matter of wrong place at wrong time. That is just what they think. An accident is usually wrong place at wrong time and the other driver didn’t know you. I was hit from behind in rush hour traffic in the passing lane, by a driver with bad brakes and not paying attention while driving too fast. That made me mistrust anyone on the road behind me. With all the times I survived the “it” the only thing that helped me was arriving at the conclusion it did happen. I could never know for sure why the person did what they did. All I know is it happened to me. There was nothing I could do to change it afterwards. You can’t change what happened to you no matter what or who caused it. There is no reason to dwell on that question because the answer won’t change anything.
The good news is, there are a lot of questions that can help you escape it and arrive at now.
“Some people awaken spiritually without ever coming into contact with any meditation technique or any spiritual teaching. They may awaken simply because they can’t stand the suffering anymore.”
Eckhart Tolle
WHY DID I SURVIVE IT?
Easy answer, you did. That is all you need to know about why you survived. Some people do and some people don’t. It is one more question that the answer will not be able to change anything. Maybe the better question is, what do I do now that I did?
You do what you need to do to heal what the wound left behind. Your scars, physically and spiritually, can heal. Once they heal, you can reach out to others and teach them how to believe in hope again by the example of your life. When they know you have arrived at a time in your life when you could offer hope after knowing what it was like to have none within you. Giving that begins to help them. In the process, knowing you made a positive difference in someone else’s life, that deepens your own level of healing.
When will I get back to the way I was before?
You never will. None of us can ever go back to the way we were before. We cannot un-learn, un-experience, or un-do anything. We can, and should, forgive our past and all that came with it, but we cannot go back. Life turned us into what we are at this moment, but we have the power to change what is happening in this moment of now.
“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.”
Marie Curie
Is it ever going to get better?
That depends on you. Instead of waiting for healing to happen, or as most think, you’ll just get over it, make it happen. Make peace with it by understanding you as much as you understand the “it” itself. Make peace with the fact that it did happen and you survived it. Don’t settle for suffering instead of seeing yourself as an actual survivor. The table of “victim” takes your power way but “survivor” empowers you. Everything left behind from the event that caused PTSD was no in your power to overcome, but now you know you do have the power in this moment. Define your moments one by one, healing one moment at a time.
“Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone’s face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love? These are the real questions. I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will bear many fruits, here in this world and the life to come.”
Henri Nouwen
Am I crazy?
Maybe the better question is, what does crazy mean to you? Just like the word “normal” has different meanings to different people, so does the word “crazy.” Some people think I’m crazy for doing this work for 40 years. I think I’d be crazy not doing it, topped off with being selfish. I could have just healed from the events in my life and kept how I did it as a secret to be kept but all that would have done is cause a lot of guilt. I didn’t need that extra burden.
Some people may think you’re crazy, but they don’t understand what PTSD is. Once they do, they realize there is nothing to fear and even less to judge. Everyone has to adapt from events in their own lives, even if it does not cause those events to take hold of their soul. We have to adapt to more, on a much deeper level but what we survived was extremely life threatening as well as life changing. It is better to wear the title of survivor with honor.
Kathie Costos, Author of The Lost Son, Alive Again and Stranger Angels, healing PTSD through the power within us to become parts of miracles.
